#112
The clouds were dramatic this morning. The wind was high this afternoon. We have had some rain this evening, but none of it has amounted to anything here. I think its a metaphor for life.
Can we go back to talking about tribe? If you hang around in adoptionland for any length of time you realize that your definition of family has to change. If you're an adoptee you wrestle with having a family, but wanting to know your kin and some, when they are in reunion, have to work at enlarging the definition of family for themselves. People struggle constantly with fear of rejection and fear of being dropped, no longer counted as family. Rejection is sprinkled throughout peoples' lives. But what seems to be successful is changing your notion of family and making room for everyone. I'm not sure if this large entity can be called tribe, I actually believe tribe is the communities that circle family. But I do know, that those who are finding peace in all of the chaos of adoption are increasing their understanding of family. They are making room for more love in their lives, not more demands. It is hard work.
Kelsey has many arms on her family model. She is an adoptee and a "birthmother." Her mother (A) is an adoptee, too. They have both found and have relationships with their birthmoms and the adoptive family of Kelsey's son. Language becomes fascinating when she speaks of any member of this group. The one thing I did notice was she refers to the woman who raised her as "Mom"" consistently. She refers to the woman who gave birth to her as her birthmom and she refers to herself as her son's mom. He is her son. There are very strong parameters around her relationship with her son's family. She is a member of that community.
4/22/2010
My tiny daffodils have bloomed. YAY. I think we are 10 days behind 2010 in terms of the onslaught of Spring. There is a magnolia tree in bloom in Amherst. And I did see one full of buds today, but we are still struggling with snow in the forecast and a grayness for 3 days which I think is contributing to my lackluster personality this week.
Define tribe for me. Write your definition in the comment section below.
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