#181
I just took down my show. It feels a little like Christmas, a little disappointing.
This photo reminds me of a game we used to play at birthday parties when we were young. Everyone would take something they had on them or in a pocket and put the item on a tray. Everyone would study the tray for a bit. Then one person would be blindfolded. Another person would chose an item and say "heavy heavy, hangs over your head, what does the owner do to redeem it?" and the blind folded person would have to think up a stunt for that person to do. I think I hated the game. I don't remember, I just remember studying those trays. I also think that when it was my turn I tried really hard to perceive whose item it was so I could make the task appropriate to that person.
I wrote again this morning. I will go to the Bookmill again tomorrow and complete the Indiegogo write up. I do need a video. But I can do it with my webcam. I'm excited, I may actually get this up so that my timeline of being completed by January 1st will happen. Keep you fingers crossed.
Five years ago I was trying to care about my work. I really cared about my students, and I cared about doing a good job on my program, but I needed to focus on my Mom. I drove down there weekly. The flower picture was taken outside Mom's bedroom window. My sister had planted beautiful lilies there for her to see from her bed. I think because of the conflicting feelings and the pressures I went into shock for the rest of the year. When grief overtakes like that, when grief dominates a person, they don't really know it, they believe they can just push it away, but that is not what happens. I became walking dead and finally in December fell ill. It was awful. Our culture needs to make room for grief. Pay attention, it is important to your health to pay attention to grief.
Unlike today; I am very alive and present in my body. In some ways I am too aware of my feelings, but I am going with the idea that one cannot be too aware.
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