# 333
Sculpting
A New Life
My
baby was lost in 1972
2
weeks before Christmas
Dug
deep into myself
armoured
walked
the path
I
was lead to believe
was
the right path
the
right direction
the
way towards a grounded
life
I was born to live.
I
wandered in and out of classrooms
met
teachers and students
read
books, tried to drink
tried
to pass as a young adult
tried
to hold onto anyone
who
seemed to want to
hold me
sing to me
look up into my eyes.
Tried
to move faster
than
the growing heart pain.
Searching
for acceptance
I
moved up to Vermont
away
from
kisses
that tangled themselves
around
my knowing better
Mysterious
love letters
mysterious
love making to Neil Young
He
and I made love just before I
drove
to Vermont early in September.
just
before I began to
carve
my life to fit my own
heart's
curiosity.
carve
my life to be the woman
I
wanted
to
carve my life to embrace
me;
the me I wanted to know.
It
took more time
to
untangle he(s) from me
to
let go of the common trap
that
if a man loved me
only me
than
I was accepted
worthy
of acceptance
could define me.
Could
define me
in
another's mirror.
The
he(s) kept lining up
until
Everything crashed
And
I was given you
not
to straddle or kiss
but
to lay out rawness
to
wrestle with me
wrestle
with the real me
not
to swim in a moonlit pond
not
to discover new songs
not
to hold me into sunrise
but
to find me
travel
next to me in that
journey
to me.
You
were placed in my life
to
bring me tools
special
hammers
sand
paper and chisels
to
help me carve
the
life of me
Our
time to let go has come
If
you are no longer by my side,
does
that change the carving
I
have grown to believe is me?
Have
I chiseled you into
my sculpture
so your leaving
breaks a piece of me off?
11/29/2010
Think this was the last pint of ice cream I ever bought myself. LOL
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