Day #71: Today is Sarah's, yesterday was Gabe's

#71

One of the things that I have been trying to do for myself while I put together this book is to figure out when adoption seems to be the right solution for adoptees and original Moms and when it doesn't. It rarely works for the original Mother.  Today helped me to fine tune my thoughts and feelings on the situation.   In one of my interviews today the woman was deliberate about her decision, about who she chose as aparents. She told a story about having to stop being friends on fb with the AMom because there were too many posts under pictures of her son about how lucky he was, how lucky she was.  The Mom took exception with the word lucky.  She felt there wasn't anything lucky about it, that it was all hard work on everyone's part.  She was not a baby making machine and her care for her baby did not stop when she made the decision to relinquish.  She was very clear about what she expected for her son. She relinquished because she truly believed her son would be better off being parented by someone else, but not without her.  She is an active participant in the open adoption.

She was  luckier than my other interviewee this morning who thought she had made similar deliberate decisions but was lied to by the agency she placed with throughout the whole experience.  She is still being lied to by them.  Her son will be 12 soon and she has not stopped looking for him. Both these women signed onto open adoptions, but only one family kept their word and there is nothing legal the other woman can do.  Now I can't have a lot of faith in parents who lied from the beginning to get a young woman to feel comfortable enough to relinquish.  That is coercion, and in my opinion, unethical; it is not a good sign.    

After four hours of listening to stories I had to get out of the house. I ran into Ivy and her Mom at the market.  Ivy is four and half months old and she and her Mom are doing great.  How can we as a society begin to change our economic priorities so that young women can get support to learn how to be good moms? We can't compare people's situations, but it is hard to listen to very hard poignant stories and not believe that there is a way to make it better.  

Another day of melting, the lawn chair is now back in view.  Also there was so much wind this morning that the snow under the pine is completely covered with pine needles, boughs and cones; the white snow is almost entirely green.

The title refers to the fact that it is my niece, Sarah's birthday today and yesterday was my great nephew, Gabe's 4th birthday.  I'm afraid if I said happy birthday to all of my relative's on their birthday, every day would be taken up.  I have a lot of siblings, nephews and nieces.  Yet, Sarah's and Gabe's are along side such a hard anniversary that I find it important to acknowledge what there is to celebrate, and both of these two are definitely worth celebrating.  I love them both.