Day # 216: Thank You Mommy

#216

I looked up quickly and it appeared that the water was coming directly into the window, like on a ship when the porthole is covered by the waves, just water, grey strong sheets of water directed into the house and my brain went, "windows."  The floors were soaked, the toilet paper was wet, the dried dishes were wet again.  Pants i hung over a chair to dry the night before, wet again.  That is how the day began.  I ran into the living room, my computer on the floor, grabbed it, it was not wet, and the camera was far enough away to only be damp.  Amazing!

Today is the fifth anniversary of my mother's passing.  5 years ago I made the decision to keep a blog intentionally, daily, to help process her dying.  She died on the 4th of August, my death anniversary row, it was hot and humid, sticky, ugly weather that I knew she hated the most.  She actually would have liked this morning's storm.  But not on the 4th in 2010.  She left us, it was good for her to release her earthly body, it was more of a hindrance than a help.  

8/4/2010

Mama, Mommy.... yup, I do miss you, and surrounded by rose hips on grey painted wood against the background of blue is a wonderful spot to succumb to your presence.  The view outside Jean's home is more like the Cape or the Vineyard, it reminds me more of Dad, but the Nature Sanctuary reminds me of Pt Reyes, and the wind blowing through the grasses, haze being burnt off and returning adds to the feel of the west coast preserved island where we have so many joint memories.  therefore I am reminded of Aunt Lois, and Grandma, and Uncle Tom, and Jannie, who would know all the names of these gulls.  I know that most people think of music and style when they think of you, but I think of a shared love of nature.  I think of ghosts at Lake Tahoe and wonderful meals in the back yard of the Shattuck St. house. I think of laughing over silly things with you and Barb, making fun of "mens."  I think of singing folk songs in a van in North Carolina with the educators whom I most respected and then walking a strip mall trying to find what; what were we looking for? 

And it's not that I don't think of gorgeous music, or of divine soup, or material, it's that I also think of and know bird songs and can tell mountain lion stories and share your love for your grandchildren. 

So Mommy, wherever you are dancing now, where ever you are smiling, listening, looking, know you taught me well and that I am trying hard to live my life based on all these things, music, color, love, and honesty.  You taught me about those things and they are engrained.  Thank you.  I love you.