Day #31: Goodbye January

Winter Vegetables

I have a draft of a second original Mom's story as of today.  YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!   I'm in the middle of several interviews at this point, but I am still interested in finding a variety of stories.   I am still looking for more women who would like to tell their stories about relinquishing a baby for adoption.  If you are interested in participating in my book, leave me a comment or email me your contact information.   This process is very exciting, difficult, but exciting.

How do people feel about calling hours?  Today there were calling hours for a woman whom I admired a lot.  A woman who when I went to start The Literacy Project, Inc. in 1984 was unbending about the standards in which she expected us to live up to.  I was in complete agreement with her.  My goal, my vision was what she saw, but I had the realities of money hanging over my head.  She did not let me forget the goal, to compromise in the slightest.  She took me to task in a Chamber of Commerce meeting one morning about not being on Main St. She felt we needed to be even more central than we were, one block up.  I respected her.  I loved her.  I loved her determination and her guts. 

She died last Sunday at 93 after a good and meaningful life.    I decided to stay home and offer a prayer to her in the silence of my own space instead of going to calling hours.   R.I.P. Risky Case. You did good.

Day #30: Balancing or Braiding Again

Day #30



My brain works in circles.  It would make it much easier if I could be a little more linear.  I don't want to be entirely linear, for my circular way allows me to pull in strands others might just not see.  I go back and look again and pull the braid together eventually.  I do this with several projects at once.  I'm getting awfully afraid my brain is going to stop being able to handle the ongoing sense of juggling. 

How does this relate to this blog?  Well in some ways I am trying to keep three strands alive in this context.  The first is this 365 Day project.  I woke this morning wanting to make my picture intentional today.  Within the first hour I had taken this picture.  It was snowing, but the snow had not stopped the world, it just was gently snowing. Thus, my intentional documentation of today.

The Second is my book on  adoption which takes up a lot of my time and a lot of my brain time.  I watched a lecture today on Adoption and Addiction.  It was really well done, and I'd like to link it to this blog tonight.  I am trying.  I get the link on, but not the picture, or just the shortcut.  But for those of you really interested in the adoption questions, you will click on the link if you desire.  It is worth the hour.  It was recommended by Carol Schafer and Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy, whose names are beginning to be recognized, I hope.

The Third is beauty, or balance, which I am trying to do in different ways; i.e. Tutus' book on forgiveness.  I also want to place some slide shows on the blog just for the sake of beauty and calm.  I'm thinking I can do a book of photos for people to use as stimulus for silent reflections and writing.  Tell me if you would be interested in such a book.

I believe that these three goals can be wrapped in together to create an interesting blog.  If anyone would like to guest write on a subject or has an idea for something to cover, or if you have something you want me to post, contact me at lindy.whiton@gmail.com. 





http://www.thelostdaughters.com/2014/12/join-us-at-american-adoption-congress.html

So this is the link to Lost Daughters and not to the American Adoption Congress Conference.
The sign is the name of the conference which is being held in Cambridge, Ma. in March and looks really interesting.  This group covers all members of the triad.  They even have a couple workshops for birth dads, which I'm really happy to see.  (Nobody talks about birthdads or originals dads at all.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3pX4C-mtiI&feature=player_detailpage&x-yt-cl=85114404&x-yt-ts=1422579428#t=540

This is the link to the lecture by Paul Sunderland.  I really recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the connection between adoption and PTSD and addiction.  He is looking at the high correlation of adoptees and those addicted to substances and how to help.  This is truly an important topic.

Day #29: Trying to write an introduction

#29

 

I have  had very bad luck today holding onto one thought and seeing it through.  I don't know why.  I've been trying to think about the introduction to this book of mine and why I still feel it is important to write.  I have also been thinking about my own daughter and whether it isn't important for me to try to connect with her one more time.  Reunions seem to be a very important part of this story and while most of the women who I have interviewed, thus far, have been in reunion with their child the outcomes are completely different in each case.  And I have only spoken to the moms. 

 

The first exercise in the Tutu book is to hold a stone in your non-dominant hand for an entire morning and note how it impacts your life.  They specifically ask what are the negatives and what are the positives.  Getting into the pool and going to the deep end in order to do palates with a stone in your hand is clumsy, uncomfortable, throws you off balance.  But when you need to hammer in the nail that you've caught your sock on fifteen times, it is quite convenient.   Unfortunately, the negatives seem to really outweigh the positives.  Is holding onto resentments like holding on to a rock?  Worth trying.  Really.

 

I went around and took pictures today, I felt it necessary because the sky was so blue, the sun so warm and the fields so white.  I took fewer than you would believe, but I think some of them were nice.  I'll post 2 more just cause it's that kind of day.

 

Day #28:Learning New Skills

 

I suppose it is important for me to remember that this is a 365 Day photo project.  Here is Day #28.  Four completed weeks.  Pretty cool.  Today I spent a good part of the afternoon learning how to expand my blog from a technical lens.  Very exciting, I am now going to be able to add a resource page and a way for people to contact me, and an open Followers page.  Unfortunately, you do have to join Google+ to add comments directly onto the blog or to become a follower.  So those of you who don't want to do that, continue to use fb, Twitter or my e mail connection now present on the right side column.  I can also add a slide show of 2010's photos.  

 

I've been going through my prints of 2010 and trying to figure out a good way to present them.  There are too many to do a full blown book, I think, and I like the idea of a slide show.  Once I get it up I'll take a vote and we'll see. 

 

After Trace and I left Mesa Verde, our favorite work and watering hole, I took a small ride in the afternoon sun just because I hadn't seen the sun in a couple of days and I had been in the house for over 36 hours.  We certainly did not get a large amount of snow, but we were the odd ones and the rest of the commonwealth was buried.  But it did look fresh and clean.  Thank you Mother Nature.



The following link is good news for adoptees from Ohio.  Let's hope it is a trend. 

 http://coolcleveland.com/blog/2015/01/opening-a-new-chapter-in-adoption-adoptionnetcle/

Day # 27: Blizzard Stayed East of Us

no 18-24 inches for me.

I have several projects going at once these days.  The first one is this book which I started investigating nine months ago.  I think the gestation period is going to be a little longer than usual, but that was true for my daughter, as well.  At the moment I am interviewing five women and they are helping me to figure out the best way to do the interviews.  The process has been complicated. When I jumped in with both feet last spring, the responses were immediate and big; some of them were positive and some were negative.  At times it has been overwhelming to take in everyone’s’ responses and to hear all the stories, yet I have not lost my desire to document them in order for the truths to be heard and to inspire and for the subject of adoption to continue to be made more open and clear to the public.

My opening question to original moms has been “where does the story begin for you?”  I am amazed where people begin; some start with an abuse story, some start with the birthing story and some start with “I had to get away from my family.”  And the same is true for the end, for some there is no end with or without reunion, for others the story ends at a rejection or at a death.  For me the story doesn’t end.  It has become a piece of me “a thread in my weaving.”

Well, for Western Massachusetts the Blizzard of 2015 was kind of a letdown, but it also  forced everyone to stop and take a day of rest.  I began The Book of Forgiving, by Desmond and Mpho Tutu.  I am very excited about it.  I think it has come into my life just as I am ready to forgive and be forgiven.  I really recommend it to anyone interested in being more intentional and full of gratitude it their life.  If you pick it up, let me know what you think.

Picture taking was a bust today, too windy and cold. Thus, a picture of the backyard after the plow came.  It’s the first picture of the swing I have posted so far.  I take a lot of pictures of that swing.  My friend Patrick built that swing with and for Emma when she was 3.  It makes children extremely happy and entertains them for hours.  I love it.

Until tomorrow, be good to yourself.  Night!

 

Day #26: Seventh Poem: Gratitude

Community Garden 1/26/15

 

Gratitude

for Anna Berry

 

I am grateful for time

time to smell

   chicken and pear cooking in the oven

to breath

   intentionally into my toes

   hold 6 release 8

to take naps

   on cloudy afternoons

   when the calm before the storm

   makes my eyes droop.

 

I am grateful for connections

connections to

   family

   friends who watch over me

   tease me

   depend on me

   sing with me

to a practice

   of intention

   of others' gratitude

 

I am grateful for the presence

   the insight and wisdom

   the past has brought.

   Stories that inform

   pictures that transform

   music that comforts

   movement that maintains.

I am grateful.

 



Seven poems in seven days, another form of intention, another form of beauty to balance out my life.

I hope I don't loose power in the next 24 hours, but if I do, I will write my blog longhand and post it as soon as I can.  I've gotten into the swing of this so I now look forward to it.  Writing was canceled for tomorrow night, so I will do it in this form instead.

I know my posted questions don't get answered, but does anyone know how to post a slideshow on a blog?  My slideshows are in Picassa. 

And the final question of the day is: what animal print is this?

Day #25: Poem Six

 

 

Cold ring of moon light

softens the air above tonight.

Clouds will soon hide her.

 

Storm pours rapidly

into the Northeast landscape.

Colors the ground pure white.

 

Will I remain warm

dry and safe inside my home

until moon returns?

 

 



I spent two hours writing poetry tonight and most of it was bad, bad.  So I will not burden you with it. I have written a couple poems about adoption that I like, but most of it is not good, too oversimplified and over sentimental.  But I'll get there.  This has been a really nice way to practice.  Don't worry, you only have one more day of the poetry piece.

I did buy the Desmund Tutu book on forgiveness today.  I am very excited about beginning the work part of it.  I sat and read the first 2 chapters while Emma looked through Manga this afternoon.  We both left very excited about our buys.

Below is another link for an adoption blog.  The post on it today spoke to me and I believe is important for all to read who are thinking about going into reunion.  Here it is.


http://adoptionlossmothersinrecovery.blogspot.com/2015/01/to-adoptees-what-do-you-really-want.html

Day #24: Winter's Tale

outside

inside

 

 

 

A winter's night
snow falling, a gentle touch
building four inch thick blankets
upon the iced maple tree trunks.
Inside, warm and the colors
of my treasured life stand out
against the gray white.
Today I do not hear
the birds' stories
there is no wind ravaging
no traffic, nor sirens,
not even a plow in several hours.
Just a coating of silence
placed down on a chilly ground.


I spent sometime reading through other blogs today.  

It’s figuring out how to move on, how to cope with the grief but not allow it to consume you, or make you bitter. It’s about a rawness that only mothers who have relinquished can understand. It’s about a certain kind of death, but almost worse. It’s about sometimes being okay and other times, not being so good.  What Is A Birthmother 2/23/13 (Danielle) Blog entitled Another Version of Mother

          

Here is a page taken from CUB's website.  Thank you for including me, CUB.  Others of you who are looking to read about  the subject, this is a helpful resource.

•  

•  
•  
•  

Blogs

Here are a few blogs by birthparents that we recommend! We applaud all efforts to find the silent voice. Adoptees, adoptive parents, adoption professionals, and all affected by adoption have a voice we need to hear. But, this list is for blogs by birthparents because we are here to help birthparents find their voice. Adoption: Second Generation Birthmom Another Version of Mother [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum Birthmother, the blog, the book, my life The Lost Mothers Moms True Stories Mothertone ~ Kathleen ~ Cathleen Musings of a Birthmom Musings of the Lame My Word One Woman's Choice Second Chance Mother She Named You Donna Sunshine and Seaglass Send us your favorite blog authored by a birthparent. editor@cubirthparents.org

© Concerned United Birthparents (CUB)
P.O. Box 5538
Sherman Oaks, CA 91413
Phone: (800) 822-2777
Fax: (858) 712-3317
    

Day #23: Poem Four

 

This was kind of a strange day.  I didn't accomplish a lot of what I wanted to, yet I managed to take a lot of different photographs, witness a big fire, and write 4 poems, two of which I will share.

 

I've loved too many boys who died too young

passed away;

two murders

how many people have

two ex lovers

murdered in their 30.s?

two cancer, heart attack, and a stroke.

those were just the lovers

there were friends, too;

accidents and illnesses

loss and grief

this is the flip side of magic.

 

Grief and magic

   appear on opposite

   sides of a gold dollar.

I spend my time flipping

that coin wanting magic

to land up

getting grief instead

statistically biased

someone must have stuck their gum

on the magic side.

Yet I don't seem to give up hope.

I pick the coin up off the brick floor

toss it once again.

_________________________________

 

Shadow upon ice

a dark trunk long arms erect

reflect no warm trend.

 

 



 

 

Day #22: Poem 3 and Happy Birthday Diane.

 

Day #22 

 

 

Turntable Rotations

 

Complicated feelings undefined

twist  defiantly through my day.

 

Mercury in retrograde

the answer to why it is all so complex.

 

And the turntable rotates

Down By The River and Neil Young

 

accompanies my racing mind

my bending body and the confusion.

 

Wrap yourself up

with my down-filled thoughts.

 

Sing to the joy and the joyless.

Break the code of my scattered mind.



 

I want to read this book.  I want to read Desmund Tutu's book on forgiveness, also.


 

Day #21: Poem Two: New Moon

My Driveway in the morning.

 



 

The moon is setting right now,
a small slice of fresh white on indigo silk.
Venus appears to lead her way
Mercury already fallen.
Sky is barren, yet pure. Fingernail moon
seems to slowly rock as she slides down
behind maples and spruce.

 I worship her! More so tonight
when she is escorted by Venus
showing just a piece of herself, a sliver
of light, a sliver of magic and hope.
I worship her rotation
once more around the Earth.

 She will rise tomorrow near the sun,
stay high in the sky until sun has hid away.
Daily she comes to us to stand in the evening
majestic in her ivory robe;
ebbing and flowing, rising and falling,
one clear notion of consistency.

 

  

This is the link to Access Massachusetts for anyone interested in getting involved.  Their focus at the moment is to get law changed in regards to adoptees having access to birth certificates and medical records.  This website is very utilitarian and allows one to find information easily.

https://www.facebook.com/AccessConnecticut

This is the link for Access Connecticut, I'm not sure why the logo etc. did not print for me.  I'm not sure I always do this posting accurately.  I need to take Trace's social media workshop.
For example, I was just demonstrating my blog to a friend and realized that I had the wrong link to Musingsofthelame posted. 


This was not a good picture day because it was a very good information collecting and conversation with another birthmother day.  I have 3 interviews in process and am understanding my own direction and focus better.  The stories are beginning to take some form.  YAY

https://www.facebook.com/groups/321780798025847/    This is the link to an original mother's search for her child on facebook.

See you tomorrow with a new photo and a new poem.  I'm carless, so I will have to write at home, but it should be a good writing day.

Day #20: Poem One: Winters Light

Green River Cemetery covered by ice
still displays a Christmas
scene on its western side.
Wreaths and pines decorated
in a rich red broad ribbon
circle a newer grouping
of headstones
   and a marble bench
   MCGUANE etched in its side

The sun glares down from
about 35*, bright white
streaks cross my sight
cross against the barn red
of the town's
fairground Roundhouse

January at 4 pm
is cold
the sun begins to
set a dark golden color
strong light
  busts out a final explosion
before the cold wins.
A charcoal gray
and deep midnight blue
fold themselves over the world.

Day #19:Iced Over But Mobile

 

 



It was the year 698 AD and the king of magicians, Merlin, had not yet discovered the fine and talented Emma.  One day while walking and thinking, Merlin heard the low tones of a long wooden flute.  He saw before him the musician who played such beauty through the trees atop a snow covered rock.  They were beside the magical spot "Heron Pond" where green herons were known to fly onto the shoulders of humans with power.  Emma had been experiencing the power of green herons since she was 3.  Now she played her long flute amidst their nests, alone,  discovering new music to play for her parents.  Merlin was enthralled.

OK, I have a question.  My friend Loren is living in Jerusalem.  She reads this blog daily.  In the stats for the blog there is a page that lists the countries where people live who have read the posting.  Israel never comes up, nor does Jerusalem on its own.  Anybody know why it does not record.  Does it have anything to do with the protective shield Israel has?  Any guesses?

One of my nieces, Moriah Austin, referred to my narrative on sledding as an ode.  I think she's right, I think I made an ordinary thing extraordinary.  The more I thought about it the more I realized my writing in general is kind of a narrative ode.  Jamie Collyer, if you read this posting, chime in, tell me what you think.  Is my writing "narrative ode"?  

I thought I would write a poem a day for the next week.  I did not start today, my day was much fuller than I had anticipated.  I did more with Emma and her assignment.  That was really fun and took me up into the pond that she and I like to visit.  The road was a sheet of ice up there and the pond was not.

Instead it was this green murky color.  Anyway, by the time I got back from our adventure, writing a poem was not in the cards.  But writing a narrative ode to green murky water maybe, or an ode to icy roads.  I hope tomorrow I am able to start my poem a day for a week.  I have writing tomorrow night, therefore, I can attend to the assignment.   Wish me luck and anyone who wants to write the next paragraph to the Merlin story, feel free.  It would make a good group writing story.

Day #18: Stuck Inside Again

This is the weather I dislike the most.  Not only am I stuck inside again, but I am worried about all of my friends who have to be out on the roads.  This has not been a day to be on a road in the Northeast, nor apparently in places in the Northwest. 

 

 

A year ago we were white, and in 1978 we were preparing for a blizzard.     I kind of like it, although I'm not a good shoveler and arthritis makes it more difficult than it used to be.





 



Day #18 in 2010:
Seems to be a pattern in New England in January.    Although I do believe we get more rain and ice than we use to no matter what people argue. 



 

Now in 1962 it would have been snowing up a bundle and us Signal Hill kids would have been over at the Tannenbaum's sledding down the best sledding hill in all of America. We would have had our toboggans, our flyers, and our saucers and we would have been banging into each other and trees. Thank God no one was ever hurt on that run. Occasionally I would put all of my dolls on the toboggan with me and they would fly off the sled and I would have to trudge back up the hill and pick them all up stuffed in my snowsuit, barely able to move. Makes me laugh today to think about it. But that hill was supreme, and in the other months there was this huge swing that you would fly into the air over the hill. That was the best swing ever. Anyway, today my pine swing is more my style and I could no more get onto a toboggan. Last winter my younger sister went sledding over at the park with 2 of her granddaughters. I was so proud of her. It took great courage in my book. The three of them were laughing so hard. It was wonderful. I was jealous.



Anyway, the weather is supposed to be nice this week and I actually am happy for the day to concentrate on projects, which I did.



Somebody posted the Zinn Education Project fb page for me today. Here is the link. This is in relation to the learner centered curricula materials I asked about the other day.

https://www.facebook.com/ZinnEducationProject



 

Day #17: Live Near Big and Wise Animals

 

My Day #17 picture is of Leyden cows.  Anyone know how good a cow's hearing is?  They always know when you are about to take their picture.  Just a truth.  Today Emma and I drove all around Leyden in order for her to do her photo assignment for school.  We had fun.  She climbed high onto a hill in her sneakers and took pictures of the tops of the trees.

 

 

I took this picture from the spot that she began her climb.   She went on up and pointed the camera upwards not down or across at the vista.   Watching her project develop is going to be really fun for me. 



 

Shirley and Tarra exited the barn on Thursday morning to find a light dusting of snow on the habitat. Much trumpeting followed. The sun quickly melted the snow, but not before we were able to take a picture or two.     Elephant Sanctuary post 1/17/15

  

 

 

 

 

 

I would truly like to go and volunteer here for a time.  I love these animals and I think we could learn a lot from interacting with them.  I used to get this feeling of age and wisdom when I looked out over the Green Mountains in Vershire, Vt.; as though the mountains themselves had wisdom written in their cells.  They say it about the whale, too, that the history of life is embedded in their genetic make up.   It is the same feeling I get when I stare at elephants. When I was in I high school I always thought it would be really cool to have my own elephant to ride to school.  I guess I figured if I were going to stand out anyway, I might as well do it in style. 

 

Wolf Conservation Center, New York  (photo taken from their fb page)

 

 

I think our next road trip will be to this place.  This wise animal speaks to Emma the way the elephant speaks to me.  I hope we go this winter.   

 

 

 



Day #16: MLK Day Celebrated

 

 

I got up and went to Greenfield Center School's celebration of Martin Luther King Day.  It is so hopeful to be in a place where kindergarteners are expressing their understanding of Rosa Park's actions.  Each classroom had done a particular project involving social action and equal rights.  At this event the kids showed their classroom's project of and explained something about it. The pre-K explained how they outlined a picture book about Gandhi and colored it in.  This 3 or 4 year old boy told us Gandhi had to give his seat up on a train in S. Africa because his skin was not white.  This is the only way we are going to make equal rights a reality; we must integrate it into school as a given and not as something we attend to once a year. If you are interested in curriculum material for integrated activities, check out the work coming out of Howard Zinn Center or Highlander in Tennessee.  I have adapted their work to use with many different age groups.   

 

I photographed the event.  I have some beautiful pictures of these kids, but I do not have permission slips from parents, so I won't post any.  These two girls are daughters of women I know who give me permission, so this will be my 16th picture of the year.  I love their smiles; these two smile a lot.

 

Tomorrow I will update you on my first interview.  I'm very excited about it.  I also have decided next week I am going to try to write a poem every day for a week.  We'll see how that goes. 

 

I have been trying to pass posts about peoples' searches, both adoptees and original Moms.  Today, one of them put out that she found her mother and the search worked.  Congratulations.  If you are interested in searching, e mail me and I will give you the sites for Adoption Search.  There are also several adoption angels out there.  I was thinking about doing it myself.  I may look into it at the conference in March. 



If you have a favorite curricula material, please post it in the comments.  If you have questions on searches, please ask away.  I still believe the more interaction the better.  Thanks for tuning in.  Night.

Day #15: Fire and Ice

I woke up early in the morning in a panic.  I couldn't understand why.  I wasn't having a bad dream, at least I didn't think so, but I had to talk myself out of that uh oh feeling.  Eventually I went back to sleep.  The following day in the paper was an article about a fire in the motel just across the highway from me.  I guess I must have heard all of the fire trucks and an old panic was stimulated.  When I was two, our house was set on fire and apparently I was kept in my stroller and at a distance while the commotion of fire trucks and police and neighbors took over our yard.  For years I didn't like going to the front part of the yard by myself.  I never understood why.  And whenever I am near fire I assume the possibility of disaster.   You'd think at a certain age when you were aware of cause and effect the panics would not appear, but I guess in one's sleep you have no control.

I'm not sure why this story is appropriate tonight.  I have had no panicky feelings, nor reasons for alarm.  My furnace was cleaned today and the oil man told me it was running  efficiently for an old oil furnace.  That always calms my fire worries.   In these very cold temperatures the furnace just cranks and cranks and cranks.  I just see combustion in my head. But that is just more proof of an overactive imagination. 

Language is a pretty potent panic button for so many people.  On-line groups with long rows of comments that shoot off of one another cause people to react at the oddest times because they don't go back and read all of the postings.  Certain language triggers certain groups and keeping track of what group you are in and which language you are supposed to use is too difficult, especially, if what you are looking for is emotional support.  So I want to start a group on line and use the same process I would use in a not on line group.  I want a rules we'll live by agreement and define clearly what I believe is respectful responding to peoples' words.  Is it possible or is it just the on-line structure that produces misunderstandings? 

Emma's class is doing a self discovery project this term and they are doing a photo exploration activity over the long weekend.  I've agreed to let her use my camera, but what will I use?  I think her video camera takes stills like a point and shoot.  I'm going to switch with her and see if using a point and shoot for a couple days changes my picture taking at all.

I am doing my first interview this weekend.  I'm very excited.  One of the questions I need to ask is if you were going to advise someone about placing a baby in adoption, what would you advise. I'll let you know if this question brings interesting responses.

I took a few pictures of children today.  I took a few of winter, but nothing too exciting, but I do love the color and texture in this one.       

Day #14: Two weeks

 

 

I spent a part of this day rereading my 2010 blog and I am surprised by how much is the same even though so much is different.  Back then I worked a job I loved but never felt supported in, my mother was dying, Emma was only 9 and reinventing worlds constantly, and I wrestled with ideas around balance and spirituality.  Now I believe I have gotten someplace with that struggle, and although I miss my students at times, I feel many more times valued, and Mom is gone and others went quickly after her, reforming the structure of my life.  (I woke up this morning and thought about calling her.  Our conversations are much shorter than they used to be.)  And come to think of it, Emma is still inventing new worlds to place us in; they’re just more sophisticated at this point.

I am going to show you some comparisons tonight; some similar and some quite different from each other, but all took place in the first 2 weeks of my blog in 2010 0r 2015.

 

Posted on Day 2010; drawing by Emma.

Emma drew this picture while her mother and I were reminiscing about college days, I don’t remember what we were talking about, Marlboro College memories are always fun to pull out of the hat.  But Emma felt compelled to illustrate what I looked like in 1976 or so….  Not bad.

 

Drawing of Lindy, January 2015, by Emma

See what I mean, a little more sophisticated.

 

Now January in New England is the same, I think there has been less snow this year than in 2010, but I’m not sure, I’d have to go back and count the days of sunshine.  But here is something near my car in my driveway on the same day five years apart: wintry.

 

1/4/15

 

1/4/2010

 

 

Road to the covered bridge was closed this day in January 2010, but on January 3, 2015 the new bridge was complete and open to traffic.  I have gone down there to take pictures 3 times already this month.

1/3/2015

And so it goes.  Today the 14^th day of this 365 Day project was grey and extremely cold with these little snow flakes.  Apparently, in 2010, it started out grey, so I photographed bright colored towels and such, but eventually became sunny and this picture was taken;

 

As for my spiritual life, clearly my desire to write this book in adoption land is coming from a spiritual place, a place that is healed enough to research the trauma and grief of adoption.  I spent part of my day rereading my own blog and part of my day reading other peoples’ posts and articles.  I am ready to begin to interview women.  I have a few set up for the next couple of weeks and am excited about the opportunity.  So, things change and things stay the same, but I am happier and healthier by far.  I miss my mother daily, and that has allowed me to miss my Dad daily.  I am more open.  And although I do not get paid for anything yet, I feel compensated for my work in millions of ways and am extremely grateful for my friends and family who have supported me through this period. 

Today marks 2 weeks; I am again proud of myself for keeping this commitment.  Here’s to the next 2 weeks and further growth.

 

 

Day #13: Tuesdays are for writing

 

 

 

Another Tuesday, another night of writing, you'd think I'd combine my writing in my group with the writing for my daily post.  But they are not always appropriate for the blog.  Tonight I will tell you a little about photo #13.  I had a great time photographing Myisha, a friend of Emma's.  I photographed her in Shelburne in a giant bight sunny room where three preschoolers were playing, too.  It was pretty fascinating to watch the learning that was going on in that room simultaneously.  2 year olds were learning to share, 1 year olds were learning to call each other by their names, 14 year olds were explaining what they wanted education to be like and 60 year olds were learning to take portraits and action shots in winter light.  Life is full.

 

Tomorrow I will post more on the subject, but tonight I need to go to bed.  I post another photo to make up for my brevity.

Day #12: A Snow Day

Picture taken 1/12/15

 

Actually it was more like a rain/ice day, but it was a slow day.    I got some work done while Emma was doing a watercolor drawing.  I have such a good time watching her process when she draws or paints.  So we listened to Spotify, roasted a chicken, she drew and I worked on photos.  Now  I'm ready  to post 10 new ones on Fineartsamerica. com.  Check them out when you get a chance.

People should know that I have not figured out the Follower button problem.  A friend suggested that only Google + people could be followers.  That was not true with my last blog on BlogSpot, but maybe it is now.  I'm waiting for a response from my tech advisor and adoption colleague, Trace Lara Hentz.  I'll let you all know as soon as I get it fixed.

Picture taken 1/12/10

 

When I took this picture 5 years ago it was the beginning of seeing for me.  I'm not sure it is a great picture, but there is something about cigarette butts in the Christmas ornament decoration outside the bar that still hooks me. 

I posted a lot of narratives 5 years ago, stuff I was thinking about at the time, stuff in regards to the last year of my mother's life.  It was much more focused than this blog will be, although if you interact with it you will help to direct it.  Last night a good friend responded on fb instead of on the blog.  I'm going to ask her permission to share what she wrote, because it carried on the discussion about sadness and gratitude coexisting. 

I'm passing on two links tonight.  One is an article written by Carol Schaefer who is an adoption specialist in NYC.  She has several books out including "Searching" (2014)  I recommend her to anyone who is looking to educate themselves on the issues.  She is an original mother and runs a resource center in New York.

Anyway, tomorrow I am doing a photo shoot with a friend of Emma's.  It should be really fun.  I think we are going to be able to do it outside.  I'm excited and I am sure it will produce a good picture for Day #13.


Carol  Schaefer's link
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-schaefer/the-right-to-love-two-soc_b_6458668.html?1421098609

The second link is to CUB; Concerned United Birthparents.  If you are looking for information of any kind around adoption, they are the first place to check.
https://www.facebook.com/ConcernedUnitedBirthparents/photos/a.134836256583488.25677.134836083250172/701804209886687/?type=1&source=11